What love really is
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Reflection
This text is read at almost every wedding, printed on frames and cards, treated like beautiful romantic poetry. But the original context is not romantic — Paul wrote it to a DIVIDED church, full of quarrels, competition and spiritual pride. That is, this description of love is not for honeymoon moments; it is for real life, for difficult living together, for when loving is hard work. And most challenging: notice that almost all the characteristics of love here are ACTIONS or decisions, not feelings. "Suffereth long" (is patient), "is kind" (acts with goodness), "is not easily provoked", "seeketh not her own". Biblical love is less what you FEEL and more what you DO.
This both frees and holds accountable. It frees, because it means you can love even when the feeling is not there — on the days the other person is unbearable, when affection has cooled, when loving is the last thing you feel like doing. Love does not depend on always feeling butterflies; it depends on the decision to be patient, kind and selfless anyway. And it holds accountable, because it removes the excuse of "I do not feel love anymore" — the love of 1 Corinthians 13 does not ask what you feel, it asks what you choose to do. It is a love of verbs, not of emotions.
There is a revealing exercise many have done with this text: replace the word "love" with your own name and read again. "I am patient, I am kind, I do not envy, I am not easily provoked, I seek not my own, I think no evil." Did it hurt? It should. Because this text is not primarily a beautiful description to admire — it is a mirror to examine ourselves. And the only name that fits perfectly into all these lines is that of Jesus: He is the love described there, made Person. When we read this list and see ourselves failing, it is not to condemn us, but to point us to Christ — the only source able to produce this love in us.
Notice especially "seeketh not her own". There lies the heart of everything. The root of true love is the decentering of the self — ceasing to put your own interests first. It is exactly the opposite of the natural human logic, which always pulls to your own side. That is why this love is impossible to produce alone; it is fruit of the Spirit, not of willpower. Today, instead of waiting to FEEL more love for a difficult person, choose to PRACTICE a verb from this list with that person: be patient where you would be provoked, kind where it would be easy to be cold, selfless where you would seek only your own. And ask God, the Source of love, to produce in you what your will alone cannot.
Prayer
Lord, this text is a mirror that shows me how much I still need to grow in love. Forgive me when I exchange love-the-verb for love-the-feeling and give up loving because I "do not feel it". Produce in me, by Your Spirit, the love that is patient, kind and does not seek its own. Teach me to love as Jesus loves. Amen.
Put it into practice
Choose a person hard to love and, instead of waiting to "feel" it, practice a verb from the list with them TODAY: be patient, act with kindness, or place their interest ahead of yours in a concrete situation.
To reflect on
Swapping "love" for your name in this text, which characteristic most exposed you — and how could you practice it (not merely feel it) today?
Bible text: King James Version (public domain).