Forgiving as I was forgiven

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”Ephesians 4:32

Reflection

The secret of this verse lies entirely in the last words: "EVEN AS God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you". Paul does not simply command "forgive others" — that would be a dry order, one more weight. He gives forgiveness a measure and a source: forgive AS you were forgiven. The model for our forgiveness of others is the forgiveness we ourselves received from God. And this changes everything, because it takes us out of the role of generous judges who "grant" forgiveness from a position of superiority, and puts us in the real place: that of forgiven debtors extending to others the same grace we received.

It is worth remembering how much we were forgiven. Jesus told the parable of a servant who owed the king an unpayable fortune — and the king, moved with compassion, canceled the whole debt. But that same servant, on going out, found a fellow servant who owed him a tiny amount and had him thrown into prison for not being able to pay. The parable mirrors us: before God, we have a gigantic debt of sin that He, in Christ, canceled entirely. The offenses others commit against us, however painful, are the "tiny amount" compared to the fortune we were forgiven. Whoever understands the size of his own forgiveness finds it much harder to withhold forgiveness from another.

It is important to be honest: forgiving does not mean pretending the offense did not hurt, nor saying what was done was right, nor necessarily restoring trust immediately as if nothing happened. To forgive is to give up the right to revenge, to release the debt the other person owes you, to hand to God the settling of accounts instead of carrying it in your own chest. And here is the part few realize: forgiveness frees the one who forgives first. Retained bitterness is a poison the victim drinks hoping the offender will suffer. To forgive is to stop drinking that poison. It is to release the rope that binds you to the past and to the person who wounded you.

Notice that the verse begins with "kind" and "tenderhearted" before reaching forgiveness. Forgiveness is born of a heart cultivated in kindness and mercy — it is not an isolated, forced act, but the fruit of a disposition God is forming in us. And note that forgiving is a decision, not a feeling: you can choose to forgive even while you still feel the pain, and the feeling often comes later, in time. Is there someone you need to forgive today? Before looking at the size of the offense you suffered, look at the size of the forgiveness you received. Before the unpayable debt God canceled in you, ask Him for grace to release the debt another owes you. Forgive as you were forgiven — and be free.

Bible text: King James Version (public domain).